My take on United after 10 games

Alright, time for me to say it like it is. Here's my opinion of every United player who have played a decent number of games so far.

1 De Gea - Solid and dependable as always. If he had a decent CB pairing in front of him, I'm sure we could form a Vida-Rio-VDS axis again. I'll come to that soon.
2 (Vacant) - Why the fuck we do not have a number 2? Get Gaz out of retirement!
3 Bailly - Surprise of the season so far. Quick, strong, consistent. Is he really new to the EPL? If only we can find a decent partner for him now...
4 Jones - Why the hell is he always injured??? He's supposed to be better than Smalling but if he's always crocked how will get to play to show it?
5 Rojo - Mistake-prone. A decent back-up but def not first-team material.
6 Pogba - If you judge him by his price tag, he's been absolutely shit. If you judge him by his reputation, he has been a letdown. Has to start imposing himself in games ASAP!
7 Depay - Disinterested piece of shit. The earlier he fucks off the better. He can go back to the Dutch league and be his superstar there.
8 Mata - Hugely under-rated and under-appreciated. There are so few creative players in the team (him, Micki, Herrera and to a lesser extent Blind and Carrick). Has been consistent and dependable this season. Must start every game and be only taken off when the game is comfortably won.
9 Zlatan - Started out spectacularly but ever since the fat bastard was dropped, he's taken over his mantle as the overpaid piece of crap. Gotta start scoring and getting his act together again.
10 Fat Bastard - For his fucking wages, he should be at least be playing decently every game. Unfortunately, he's been utter fucking shit for the last 2-3 seasons. Should have sold him in 2010 when he first declared he wanted to leave. Thanks for your past contributions but it's fucking time for you to go to MLS or China. I hope he doesn't become our record goalscorer. Will be such a shame if Sir Bobby Charlton is overtaken by this fucker.
11 Martial - Average this season, considering he set the bar so high last season. Doesn't help that his face looks can't-be-bothered every time he misses a sitter or wastes possession.
12 Smalling - Now that we've Bailly, he needs a partner. It's definitely not this mother-fucker. His is fucking over-rated. Even Johnny Evans is better than this fucker. Always screwing the team over and fucking DDG up. Go back to non-league football la you fucking bastard!
14 Lingard - Every game plays like a fucking headless chicken. Scores the odd spectacular goal but loses possession too easily and makes wrong decisions 90% of the time. Doesn't look like he gives a fuck too. One more season and we can sell him to Sunderland/Stoke/WBA.
16 Carrick - Should be playing in more games IMO. Our best midfield lineup should be him and Herrera with Pogba in front of them. Could be a decent partner for Bailly too.
17 Blind - Best reader of the game at the club. Other than his stinker against Citeh, he's been decent this season. Best option to partner Bailly IMO.
18 Young - Decent in the games he's featured so far. But with his experience, he should be contributing more to the team.
19 Rashford - Has set high expectations since he burst onto the scene. A little underwhelming so far and looks like running out of ideas fast. Hope that's not the case.
20 Romero - Decent back-up GK. Should stay as long as he's willing to be DDG's no. 2.
21 Herrera - Excellent so far. His sending off was unfortunate - bloody blind ref can't see that he slipped. Knows what to do with the ball when he has it, and what to do when he doesn't.
22 Mkhitaryan - Sucked big time against Citeh, but hasn't been playing enough to adapt to the EPL. Hope he does so quick. We need his creativity.
23 Shaw - Has been good whenever he plays. Not sure why Mou has criticized him. Looks good to be our LB for the next 10 seasons.
24 Fosu-Mensah - Hasn't played enough. One for the future and should be loaned out to gain experience.
25 Valencia - Excellent so far. Has made the RB position his own. AND HE CROSSED WITH HIS BLOODY LEFT FOOT FOR THE FIRST TIME!
27 Fellaini - Not good enough for the club. Always using his fucking hands and arms to foul people. Not even the 5th best CM in the squad, can't play as a no. 10 or up front. Can't pass, can't shoot, and now can't even score with headers. Thank goodness he has been dropped.
28 Schneiderlin - Never did show his Southampton form for us. If he did, he could take over Carrick when he eventually retires.
31 Schweinsteiger - Should have been a great signing for us with his experience and abilities. Didn't really show it during LVG's final season. Wonder what he did to piss Mou off that he got demoted from the first team.
36 Darmian - Started so promisingly in his first few games last season, but has plummeted even since. Has the talent to be first choice RB but gotta get his fucking act together fast.

My preferred line-up?

DDG

Valencia Bailly Blind Shaw

Herrera Carrick

Pogba

Mata Zlatan Micki

Subs: Romero, Darmian, Rojo, Young, Martial, Rashford, Lingard